Is there something wrong with me?
When one of my closest friends told me something rather disturbing about myself that I didn't know, I was very shocked to say the least. My reaction was disbelief. But then again I know that no human body on this earth is perfect. Every single person has something wrong with them either physically or mentally. Some may be open about it whereas others may hide it. Some may be obvious and others not so obvious. It may be present since birth or acquired later on in life. Some people may even be unaware of it.
When I was little I knew that there was something wrong with me. I used to scream and cry for no reason whatsoever. To other people that did not seem normal. To me it was a way of getting rid of the frustration inside me as I had difficulty in expressing myself. As an adult it grew to violent outbursts of temper. It didn't help that I always bottled in my feelings. My family would view it as childish temper tantrums. Other times I would get so depressed and would even contemplate suicide but I thought that it would be an affront to God. As far as I am concerned, He gave me life and I have absolutely no right to give it up.
I have a very good long term memory. I remember things that people may forget and I remember the years that events happened. People are stunned by that. However I am not good at maths and I do not have a fascination with numbers.
Sometimes I feel that I am in a world of my own and I like it. I tend to create imaginary characters, mime and talk to myself, sometimes acting out other characters. I find it very crazy and abnormal of me but that is how I am. I would sometimes fantasise about myself and create worlds that I would feel comfortable in. That is how I got my creative side. I love being creative and I like dreaming up things.
I tend to take things personally and take things to heart. I dwell on things a lot and find it difficult letting go. I am a sensitive person. I sometimes say things without thinking and come across as blunt and rude. I am shy when it comes to meeting new people and I make little effort to make and keep friends. I like my own company too much and, quite frankly, I am not a very social person.
My friend told me what my sister suspected all along - that I have Asperger's Syndrome. My initial reaction was that I refused to believe it, to accept the fact that I may have a mild form of autism. Is that the reason why a lot of my friends have abandoned me, distanced themselves from me, no longer want to know me. Only if I have an official diagnosis will I then come to terms with it. But then some thoughts came into my head. Did my parents know about it and keep it from me? If so why? Was it because they didn't think I could handle it? Maybe they are as much in the dark about it as I am.
I need to find out if it is true so that I can find closure and move on with my life, so that I can adapt myself and face the world differently. I am grateful that I still have friends and family who will stay and support me should the worst happen.
When I was little I knew that there was something wrong with me. I used to scream and cry for no reason whatsoever. To other people that did not seem normal. To me it was a way of getting rid of the frustration inside me as I had difficulty in expressing myself. As an adult it grew to violent outbursts of temper. It didn't help that I always bottled in my feelings. My family would view it as childish temper tantrums. Other times I would get so depressed and would even contemplate suicide but I thought that it would be an affront to God. As far as I am concerned, He gave me life and I have absolutely no right to give it up.
I have a very good long term memory. I remember things that people may forget and I remember the years that events happened. People are stunned by that. However I am not good at maths and I do not have a fascination with numbers.
Sometimes I feel that I am in a world of my own and I like it. I tend to create imaginary characters, mime and talk to myself, sometimes acting out other characters. I find it very crazy and abnormal of me but that is how I am. I would sometimes fantasise about myself and create worlds that I would feel comfortable in. That is how I got my creative side. I love being creative and I like dreaming up things.
I tend to take things personally and take things to heart. I dwell on things a lot and find it difficult letting go. I am a sensitive person. I sometimes say things without thinking and come across as blunt and rude. I am shy when it comes to meeting new people and I make little effort to make and keep friends. I like my own company too much and, quite frankly, I am not a very social person.
My friend told me what my sister suspected all along - that I have Asperger's Syndrome. My initial reaction was that I refused to believe it, to accept the fact that I may have a mild form of autism. Is that the reason why a lot of my friends have abandoned me, distanced themselves from me, no longer want to know me. Only if I have an official diagnosis will I then come to terms with it. But then some thoughts came into my head. Did my parents know about it and keep it from me? If so why? Was it because they didn't think I could handle it? Maybe they are as much in the dark about it as I am.
I need to find out if it is true so that I can find closure and move on with my life, so that I can adapt myself and face the world differently. I am grateful that I still have friends and family who will stay and support me should the worst happen.
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